一段英文, 请帮助指正修改. 谢谢

题目是: Define a situation that merits a business trip and argue for the necessity of an on-the-spot evaluation.

What they called business trip is an essential business activity of enterprises. We call it ‘trip’; actually it is a researching, analyzing process. In a realty business, business trip looks very important. For example, Realty agents need to fully realize the location which they are going to put money on. Does it hot? Does the environment good? Does the climate good? These issues are very import, but they are hard to know by other avenues except business trip. As the book says: ‘In most case, a business trip has its specifically researching objects; certainly, these objects are the issues which can’t be discovered by internet or pages of investigating report.’

As the same, an on-the-spot evaluation’s purpose is to find out some business elements that can’t be found on the paper. For example, if you want to build a hotel in a city, you must visit the city t

你的文章错误太多，所以不流畅；基本功比较差。
有简单的几个语法问题，我没有写全。
1.Realty agents need to fully realize the location which they are going to put money on.（realize改为recognize）
2.Does it hot? Does the environment good? Does the climate good?
（does改为is）
3.but they are hard to know （to be known）
4.In most case, a business trip has its specifically researching objects（应该为cases）
5.It same as a football game改为like football，
6.still need to have a training before the game day（把to have去掉）
7.Sometimes, people need to see for themselves（把for改为by）
8.我没见过realty agent，我见过real agent
9.by other avenues except business trip（这里用avenue太牵强了）
还有一些，我实在没法说，我只能说如果用机译，可能出来这种效果。我真希望这文章不是你写的。
对这篇作文来说，主题是给定一种商务旅行作为优点的情形以及对实地考察评估必要性的辩驳。

所以这两点是关键。

你的论述方式没错，但举例不好。举例论证需要体现具体，才能和逻辑论述隔开档次，文章才会有深度。比如第二个足球例子，你的本意是比赛前也得实地考察，但是你只说了这个现象，没有说些细节，比如说这样有什么好处，不看对比赛又有些影响。这就是说举实际例子的好处了，因为这些问题你不用考虑，只用叙述完就好，例子自成一个完整体，而且也好叙述，除非你逻辑很缜密，尽量用实际例子，文章才健壮，不空。