请大仙给看看这句话翻译有哪有错的.或者要美化的

that's why i could pass the competitive entrance examination and get accepted by No.1 High School, which is the top high school in XX.
你的句子中accepted 前面少了be动词，当然除了用be 也可以用get

另：个人认为用which 从句不罗嗦，相反，它有突出和强调的作用。

且如四楼所说，用be admitted to 比be accepted 更地道一些

如果让我来做这个句子，我会说：
That's why I could pass the competitive entrance examination and get admitted to No.1 High school, which is the top high school in XX.

which is ??错误

有点罗嗦

that is the reason i am capable to pass the competitive admission examination and eventually committed by the premier No.1 high school

你那样写太啰嗦了，改这样：that’s why I could pass the competitive entrance examination and accepted by the top High School in XX.

accepted之前加be，
而且如果是我就写be admitted by