UC知道请高说帮我改一下这篇雅思作文
来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/07/06 19:02:32
While once to find a job after gruaduation is the thing without any doulbt ,wheater well paid or not,these days has already become a dream.In my essay, I intend to disscuss the causes of the rhorny issue from both individual and social reasons.
Surprisingly,one of the consequences of development of the society,less jobs are provided to young people as the result of the increasingly compeletation.Futher,the emplyees who the corporations would like to hire are the one with rich experiences,since no emplyers expect to spend money or time to train the new members.
on the furface of it, these reasons above sounds enough, but on second thought, there are other resons which can not be ignored. It is due to high expectation of salaries and working environment that the younth
从应试的角度来说，您这篇文章问题有一点大。。。。。。先说结构上的：第二三段罗列了理由但是没有有力的支持，这一点是文章大忌。外国人非常不喜欢这种statement堆积的感觉，一定要有论据。第四段说的是solution，没有什么太大的问题，不过我觉得应该在多提及一下自我提高的东西而不是学校和社会怎么怎么样
再说一下句法。看的出来您想用长句，不过很多用的都让人觉得不舒服。。。比如第一句“While once to find a job after gruaduation is the thing without any doulbt ,wheater well paid or not,these days has already become a dream”楼主再看看，反正我觉得有语法和表达都有问题。find a job without any doubt什么意思？还有In order to improve this problem，也有问题什么叫improve the problems？这种问题有一点多，不一一说了，如果楼主有问题可以hi我。
第一段 nowadays ; 第一句the young people leave from school.不用进行时吧。
第二段：While once to find a job after gruaduation is the thing without any doulbt（doubt）。the rhorny issue 里rhorny是不是应该是thorny?;from both individual and social reasons. 不用加both。
第三段：It is due to high expectation of salaries and working environment that the younth could not find jobs。这句的That从句做定语吗？感觉解释不通。
第四段：In order to improve（换成slove会更好些吧） this problem
我的水平有限，就这些吧
首先错别字太多了，如果不是不知道怎么拼的话，麻烦打字认真些。第一行doub