各位牛人！！我的第一篇托福作文，给个意见,谢谢！！！

来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/07/04 12:47:39
题目是：agree or disagree,the media has paid too much attention to the personal lives of famous people!

In recent years with the development of media and people spending more and more on TV, newspaper, and other media. The issue of how much attention the media pay should pay to the personal lives of famous people has been brought to public attention gradually. People in a growing number think that the media has paid too much attention to the personal lives of famous people. For my perspective , I completely agree with them .
The main problem with media paying too much attention to the famous people is that it is ignorant of the basic fact that the media should make its information it provides to the public as wide as possible, but paying much attention to only the famous goes contrast to this. A recent statistic shows that the news about the personal lives of the famous occupied 78% time of most media, leaving a little space for the others people who should be paid attentio

In recent years with the development of media and people spending more and more on TV, newspaper, and other media.
这句好像不太对呐~你的动词呢？
写英文不能按中文语序走的~
In recent years, people spend more and more time on TV, newspaper and other media since the fast developing media.

下一句应该是the media pays,这一句挺好的~
还有就是其实不用一直写famous people~ Celebrities也可以，还有很多其他的词~一直重复会给人词穷的感觉呢^^

接下来的论证段不错，但是还有一些具体的小问题，第三人称单数~你用从句的时候就容易忘掉~

还有一点，其实你一直都只在同一点上转来转去，虽然你提出了两点反对意见，但都是关于过度报道名人私生活是会使人们的信息量变得很少，可不可以把话题拉的再宽一些？

第一点可以使你说的，媒体过分关注名人私生活是对受众们不付责任，因为人们还有其他的更多需要关注，比如global poverty还有global warming~你举得例子也很好~但是我不太喜欢你的第二点观点，因为众口难调是必然的事情，而且你的两点supporting details都只是关注与信息量有限的问题~

其实你可以从侵犯名人privacy的角度来写另一个anti-argument呐~比如说名人也是人，你不能要求他们24小时完全作为人们的role model出现，必要的私人空间是一定要维护的~

这样文章就会开阔一些了~

总体还是不错的~

继续加油哦~

不错

还可以，。很不错