修改E-mail 英语高手进

这是我给我的一个美国朋友写的 他年龄比较大 但人很好。麻烦大家帮我修改一下使之更加规范、礼貌。
Dear Mr. Walters,
Sorry for not contacting with you for so long. I am really tired with the schoolwork in my senior school. And I have to stay up late finishing my homework every day. But now I have summer holiday. I am very happy because I can do something I like in the summer holiday.
I enjoy watching movies very much. And I have watched a lot of the old movies these days. I found I was deeply moved by the grace and beauty of Audrey Hepburn. I love all her movies, especially Roman Holiday, Funny Face, My Fair Lady. When I know she was appointed a goodwill ambassador to the United Nations Children's Fund I think that she is so kind and his love to the kids in the poor countries is so great.
What do you think of Audrey Hepburn? Who is your favorite actor/actress? I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Respectfully
Richard

一开始那句好像有点问题....
第一行尾"my"字可删去,学校不是你的,要记得啰~
第二行,英文中不用"have holiday",一般会用"on holiday/on vacation",所以这句不以改成"Now I am on summer holiday"
第三行你这样写也可以,但我会这样写:"I am very happy because I can do whatever I like during summer holiday"

Audrey Hepburn好像已经死了,你在第二段尾用"is"不是太恰当吧?还有在第二段最后那行应是"her"不是"his"吧?

总体而言写得不错,就是"and"太多了,而且"and"是一个连接词(conjunction),是连接两个从句(clause),你这样用就不太妥当了,你用的那些"and"都是可以删去的.要是非用不可,那你就把句号(full stop)改成逗号(comma)吧

希望我的答案可以帮到你

1.Sorry for not contacting with you for so long改成I'm sorry that I haven't contacted with you for so long.
2. I am really tired with the schoolwork in my senior school改成，As a senior schoole student,I am so busy and tired with the schoolwork that I have no free time to write to you.
3. stay up late finishing my homework every day改成stay up late to finishi my homework almost everyday.