UC知道我写的一篇雅思写作，，高手帮忙看看．thanks
来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/07/04 18:20:53
我写的一篇雅思写作，，高手帮忙看看．thanks
有什么不足处请讲讲．．．
题目↓
Many people use emails and mobile phones today instead of writing letters. Some people think the skill of letter-writing will disappear completely. To what extent do you agree?
As one of the most important inventions of the past century ,computer and mobile phone are playing a increaingly important role in modorn life.Some people are starting to worry about whether letter-writing will disapper completely.I am convinced that letter-writing will disapper completely.
Firstly,use email and mobile phone are a short-cut to communicate with your friends or family members.You can use anytime you want.It is handy that you to use.You always will find
how great of it.
Secondly,There is a short time to learn some important informations.Especially,the companys they can not survive without computer and mobile phone.It is as clear as crystal that email and mobile phone are more important.
Thirdly,Y
有什么不足处请讲讲．．．
题目↓
Many people use emails and mobile phones today instead of writing letters. Some people think the skill of letter-writing will disappear completely. To what extent do you agree?
As one of the most important inventions of the past century ,computer and mobile phone are playing a increaingly important role in modorn life.Some people are starting to worry about whether letter-writing will disapper completely.I am convinced that letter-writing will disapper completely.
Firstly,use email and mobile phone are a short-cut to communicate with your friends or family members.You can use anytime you want.It is handy that you to use.You always will find
how great of it.
Secondly,There is a short time to learn some important informations.Especially,the companys they can not survive without computer and mobile phone.It is as clear as crystal that email and mobile phone are more important.
Thirdly,Y
There is a short time to learn some important informations.改成It/They only cost(s) us a short time to learn the important information.这样会好点～
Especially,the companys they can not survive without computer and mobile phone.我说啊，companys和they can not...要分开的吧。。。你怎么把它们搞一起去了。。。
you may feel having bad luck改成you may feel that you have got a bad luck
In conclusion,I think that letter-writing will disapper completely.both email and mobile phone has bring increasingly benefit to us. has改have
结尾又说disapper completely。。。又用increasingly。。。尽量不要重复啊，文章要有丰富的词汇才会精彩，同样的意思尽量用不同词汇～