ielts 可以帮我改 ielts作文么?

来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/09/28 15:12:08
1
Television is playing more and more important role in today. But nowadays, more and more people think television broken the relationship of family members. I think this opinion is a little extreme views.

I think we have to know some news from TV every day. Now the technology develop so fast. Maybe some of us have no time to read the news from newspaper. So we should know the world from TV. We can watch TV with our family members and we can discuss the news with them, too. So I think it is a good way to get together with them.

If someone must hold that it is TV that alienates the relationship of family members. I want to tell them. TV is one of all the reasons, but it is not TV that took somebody from his family. We have a number of productions now. Maybe computer or mobile phone is the real “killer”, too. The reason why some of us feel TV alienated the relationship of family members is that we have not talked with them for a long time.

It is my

我给你细致的改改。(别用那么多i think，这是英语考试，西方的思维更重视客观，your opinion则是相对主观的东西。)
Compared with the old equipments such as radio,television has been playing more and more signifcant role nowdays.A growing number of people think television breaks the relationship of family members. I think this opinion shows an extreme attitude under certain circumstances.

TV is a necessary part for human to get news every day. The technologies have developed so fast in these several centuries. Maybe some of us have no time to read the news from newspaper,so we should know the world from TV. We can watch TV with our family members and discuss whether the news are interesting with each others. So there is no doubt that it is a good way to bestow the relationship their new hopes.
先改到这里吧，多用关联词，表达上要尽量避免主观，尽量使用一些生词，丰富你的内容，中间的分析段落至少要写到80字每段左右，而且记住每篇文章都要有一个明确的主题，切忌跑题。试着举一些例子，例如bill gates,the ceo of microsoft which influences the develop of the whole world in the subject of software,always watched TV ev