财务汉译英

For the existence and development of enterprises, financial managers play an important role in maintaining stability and safety and promoting performance and success. According to the analysis of status quo, in my opinion, enterprise financial managers should be positioned as follows:

我个人意见，in my opinion 应去掉，因为英语论文讲求客观分析，尽量少把个人主观意见带进去，这样才有说服力。楼主看着办吧

Financial managers play a considerably important role in the subsistence and development,stability and secure,promotion and success of business.
With the analysis of current state,i think the roles of business financial maganagers should be titled as following:

Financial managers make a vital role for the company's survival and development, stability and security, performance and success,through the analysis of the present status, I think the company's financial managers role is as follows:

Financial manager personnel regarding enterprise's survival and development, stability and security,