UC知道请各位能不能看看我的IELTS作文能有5.5吗?
来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/07/02 13:53:55
There are social,medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones.What froms do they take?Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of the mobile phone?
In modern society with the rapid development of science and technology.Mobile phones are more important than used to be.At the same time mant problems associated with the use of moblie phones so that people in growing numbers agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of mobile phone.In my opinion.I disagree with this this point of view for three reasons.
My first reason is that mobile phones bridge the information gap to each other.There is no doubt that mobile phones are far more convenient and efficient than the written letters or made telegarms.At this satge,nothing is more qualitative and quantitative than to use mobile phones.It costs methree days to wait a letter from the other city.But it costs me three seconds to receive a message from the other country.
My
In modern society with the rapid development of science and technology.Mobile phones are more important than used to be.At the same time mant problems associated with the use of moblie phones so that people in growing numbers agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of mobile phone.In my opinion.I disagree with this this point of view for three reasons.
My first reason is that mobile phones bridge the information gap to each other.There is no doubt that mobile phones are far more convenient and efficient than the written letters or made telegarms.At this satge,nothing is more qualitative and quantitative than to use mobile phones.It costs methree days to wait a letter from the other city.But it costs me three seconds to receive a message from the other country.
My
我觉得差不多可以 可是有几点不足需要注意:
1 段落分析很明确 但是每段开头需要适当的变换句式 总用一个句形是不利于提分的
2 文章中有些许拼写错误 不知道是你 打的时候打错了 还是拼写不知道，这个在考试的时候尤其要注意 ，不会写的词就不要写了 换一个，不然会扣分 划不来的
3 缺少一些大词 ，所谓大词，就是那种让人看了 能觉得耳目一新的词 这个东西可以考前突击的 学几个用上会比较好`～
另外有一些网站你可以总去看看像3g雅思网啊之类的 上面有很多不错的作文模板 你可以拿来研究一下 ，学学句式阿 词汇阿 等等的 会很有帮助
希望你考试成功～～
现在写作已经有半分制了,我看了一下你写的格式挺好,但是语言过于僵硬,比如每段开头你就可以换换格式,如
the point on the top of my list for my propensity is that ...
another factor we cannot neglect is that...
also,it is sagacious to...
总体看来,我觉得你应该是6分的样子