帮忙改到7.0以上

来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/07/02 20:46:56
Further more; the most essential quality for a leader is affirmation than a insistence. to be a excellent leader has some other valuable qualities as well. for example, A has exactly predict ability, long-term object and foresight which would deciding more reasonable. B could analyze a large quantity of information which in a complicated course is able to make well opinion. C has benevolence to all the citizens, workers, and underlings. D has outstanding mentality quantity, when the paroxysmal case advent, who can guide people pull through. That is essential quantities to a leader.

汗~这段整个重来吧~~
IELTS的作文第一注重的是文章的结构 必须是清晰的 即使是在一段中 句子和句子之间要有清晰的连接转承
一般说来 第一句只主旨句 后一句进行解释和扩充 然后举例进行说明 最后进行总结
当然这个只是最简单安全的写作模式 如果词汇结构运用自如大可不必拘泥与此
楼主你的文章有几个问题 第一就是作为一个中国人我能明白ABCD这样的写作意图 但是作为考官会非常不欣赏这种假设的 拖沓的例子
第二，楼主的标点和大小写用的很混乱比如...affirmation than a insistence. to be a excellent leader has some other valuable qualities as well. for example...句号后面应该大写的，这个虽然是小问题 但是是写作评分标准里面一条 考官是严格按照标准打分的 不可能不看到这么明显的错误 所以不要让小错误给毁了
以上 大胆地给了些意见 希望楼主好好加油啦把IELTS 拿下

雅思作文最好不这么写，你这是假设的例子，考官不认同的。这样是无法改到7分以上的。